Reflections

I sat up last night wondering about the reasons I too often choose to deny myself the things I want...Its as if each time I come to the crossroads I ask myself if the things I think I want might in some way encroach upon anothers happiness. Oh , I'll grab a pizza from the local shop and sit down to it gleefully over a ballgame or a dvd..but when it comes to relationships things change very quickly. I turn down even those I feel might work out because I find myself wondering if I'll end up doing something that might hurt her and, in the long run. myself.
I used to take solice in the one night stand, no strings attached thing but I always knew that wasn't for me..I think I did it primarily to FORGET about the need for a relationship but it failed.
The last "one night stand" girl I was with called me the next day..she asked if I "meant what I said"
Admittedly I did not RECALL what it was that I'd said so I asked. She told me that during our encounter I'd told her "you are Beautiful"
I recalled it and said yes..I'd meant it. She thanked me and said she'd had several boyfriends and many more one night stands and no one had ever said that to her before. It told me a lot about her..and myself
I see beauty as something not to corrupt...she sees herself as someone not worthy of praise.
I'm told constantly I'm insane for "dissing" the "perks" I could have..and I'm sure I've insulted a few girls who prolly think me arrogant and "above" them..but really I don't want to further the illness they perceive as "popularity" and I perceive as a "quest for love"
Maybe I'm not really cut out for love..I had it once and let it go for fear of not being able to hold it..its like killing yourself out of fear that someday you'll die anyway..
ahh well..I'm sure that somewhere someone is saying "oh poor you..turning down booty calls"..I can only reply that I've never met a girl that gave away the most precious thing she could give ...strictly out of lust for a "quickie"..I decided I'm not the guy to pick a rose from the garden..smell it once and toss it in the dirt. Call me crazy..you're prolly right.

those were some very profound words my friend. i've read this post several times since the first day you posted it. and i have been trying to think of something thoughtful an meaningful to say. unfortunately i'm not all that intelligent when it comes to saying the right thing. but i most definitely agree with your words about *not picking a rose, sniffing it, an then tossing it in the dirt.* i feel the exact same way about relationships.

yeah, I dunno..I guess I'm in a pretty reflective mood but I'm just not feeling the vibe for these one nighters.

the closest thing to a one nighter if that's what you would call it is when i picked up a hooker. i have not ever taken home a girl from a bar an fucked her an then never called her. basically because i never goto bars to drink, plus i won't take advantange of somebody that's drunk enough to ask me to go home with them. i just fear that when they sobber up they would hate what they see, an they would need therapy or something.

wow.... iv been reading most the bullitens and damn man... i must say this, this post hit at home for me... you just described me and my life to a T. ya know i dont veiw myself as popular but in a sense i am. i know more people than i have friends, and many people know me and iv never met them. iv dont the one night stands and the "fuck buddies" and iv pushed love away.. twice now actually. just wow i dont even know what im getting at here... just wow man...... wow

it hits you right between the eyes when you read something that is powerful like that huh?

i was thinking a lil lower.. like below the collar bone lol i have this hole where i think a heart was lol

yes it does hit you there too.

then it smacks me on the ass as i walk away lol

more like kicks you in the ass with steel toe shoes.

ok boys enough foreplay already....ROFLMAO!!!

lmao omg sounds like somebody likes the kinky stuff hahahaha

.

you like being spanked too don't you? maybe some handcuffs? whipcream, feathers, leather paddles?

no it doesnt kick me.. kinda flirts with me lol

ok cool.

not really lol

i thought flirting was good, wait, flirting is bad? when did that happen? lol

well if you dont want someone or something flirting with you lol then its bad lol

oh i understand, it's kind of like if a gay person was flirting with you.

hummmm.why do you t hink i have long ahir...so you can wrap it around your hand a few times ti get a GOOD grip...LOL

oh now that sound like loads of fun. exspecially from behind, oh hell yeah.

down boy down!!

you mean you've never had your hair pulled by your man from behind before? i find that surprising. or maybe you have an just don't want me getting all excited hahaha

i have deen whiped with my own hair in the shower by my man ...lol